Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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