Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
