If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
