i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
