Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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