Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
