im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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