We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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