Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
