it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
