I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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