and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
