Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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