can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
