Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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