they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.