You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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