Your face is a jimmy john
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction