It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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