the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.