Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
