It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
