He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
