tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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