I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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