If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
