I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
