Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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