Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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