he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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