I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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