I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
