yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
