I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
