we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
