she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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