after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
