I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
