it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
