Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
