i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
