I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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