Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
