yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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