Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize