Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
