the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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