I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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