I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
