I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
