there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
