you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
