If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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