I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
