I am in a vortex of obligation.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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