Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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