even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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