More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
