i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
