Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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