I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
