you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
