awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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