No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
