White coat. Heels.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
