Your mouth is God's brothel.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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