We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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