Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
