woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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