I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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