I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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