When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize