He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
